The Protector Parody
by king's-own-knight
Summary: Well, you people asked for it. It's the sequel of The Lioness Parody, and The Immortals Parody. As you can probably guess it is a parody of the wonderful PoTS books! Read and review
1. Chapter 1

Okay well here it is! I am completely obsessed with PoTS. Mostly Squire. Hehe I love that book. Okay on to the story!

Chapter 1

Wyldon: Let's put her on probation and laugh when she fails!

Jon: Hehehe.. Fun

Alanna: WTF? You freakin sexists!

Jon: So? I am the King! I am all powerful!

Alanna: Up yours!

Jon: As if!

Alanna: THAT'S MY EXPRESSION!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: Um, like WTH?

Piers: Why don't you walk in to the dangerous forest infested with dangerous animals and immortals!

Kel: okay!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: Ladedadeda! I'm walking through the forest!

Kel: Hey, drop the kittys and nobody gets hurt!

Boy: As if!

Kel: Mwahahaha! I have beaten you with my totally mad skills!

Boy: Ow….

Kel: Ah! It's a freakin giant spider!

Spidren: WTH? It's called a spidren you stupid mortal!

Kel: Smarter than you!

Spidren: As if!

Anders: Old cripple guy to the rescue!

Kel: Wahhhhhhhh! I'm scared of heights.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: I wanna be a knight!

Piers: Okay, dats cool.

Anders: Fight people then lie about it.

Kel: Fun!

…………………………………………………………………………….

Wyldon: You suck!

Kel: Up yours!

Wyldon: You shall have no privacy, and we shall treat you unfairly.

Kel: Well that sucks.

…………………………………………………………………………………

Joren: I'll be her sponser dude!

Neal: As if! I'm gonna insult the stump so I can be her sponser

Wyldon: We shall settle this the only logical way…

Pages: gasp No!

Wyldon; Thumb war!

Neal: Haha! I am victorious!

Joren: crap

………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: I am stone.

Neal: Good for you. We have to go kill each other on the practice courts now.

Kel: Fun

Eda Bell: I'm an old lady but I can kick your arse.

Hakuin: My name sounds kinda like Haiku.

Kel: Hey it does!

Hakuin: Now fall on your faces so we can laugh at you!

Kel: Check out my mad Yamani skills!

Pages: Show off

Kel: up yours!

………………………………………………………………………………..

Peachblossem: I rule!

Kel: Look at the prettyful horse!

Peachblossom: Just for that, I'm gonna bite Neal.

Neal: Ow!

Kel: Haha!

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Myles: I am the royal spymaster!

Kel: Good for you.

Myles: As you can see, my class is interesting.

Kel: Good for it.

Myles: Is that all you say?

Kel: Yea, pretty much.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Wyldon: Whack that thing with this stick.

Kel: Okay!

Wyldon: You suck!

Kel: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, this is heavy!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: I shall totally hit that thing with this long pointy stick this time.

Wyldon: Do it again

Kel: Maybe I will!

Wyldon: You still suck

Kel: Up yours!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Raoul: I'm actually in this series!

Wyldon: Get to the point.

Raoul: Okay some chick got taken by spidrens, the villagers got all pissed and now we have to go kill some spidrens.

Wyldon: How nice.

Quasim: I am Quasim.

Kel: Good for you

Sparrow: Cheep

Kel: What?

Sparrow: CHEEP!

Kel: Oh okay. The sparrows found the spidrens.

Raoul: Okay, everybody follow the little birdys.

Flyndan: My life is pathetic

Quasin: You got that right.

Flyndan: Hey!

Kel: Die you stupid spider!

Spidren: For the last time, it's SPIDREN!

Kel: See, I have mad skills.

Spidren: Ow…

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Wyldon: You can stay.

Kel: YES!

Wyldon: But that doesn't mean I like you.

Kel: Um, I really don't give a crap.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

So, did you like it? Well flames are still welcome so review! Please? Pretty please? With pickles on top?

-king's-own-knight


	2. Page

Okay, well here it is. I haven't read Page in a while but I'll do my best! Hehe that sounded so corny.

Disclaimer: I disclaim everything.

LadyKnightOfHollyrose- Thanks! Yea there will be a lot of those things in it, lol I'll try to update often so you don't have to wait long.

Chapter 2!

……………………………………………………………………

Jump: I like sausages, I like sausages, I like-

Dude with a meat cleaver aka DWAMC: Die you stupid mutt!

Jump: Up yours!

Kel: Yo, what up?

DWAMC: I'M GONNA KILL THAT DOG!

Kel: As if!

Jump: Like you could!

DWAMC: Okay then give me some money

Kel: Piss off and go jump Salma.

DWAMC: Okay, dats cool

……………………………………………………………………………..

Neal: I like blueberry pie.

Kel: That was random

Neal: So? You have an ugly dog!

Jump: Hey!

Kel: Not as ugly as you!

Neal: I resent that!

……………………………………………………………………………

Joren: You suck

Kel: You suck more!

Wyldon: You both suck so I will give you punishment work. Mwahahahahaha!

Kel & Joren: crap.

…………………………………………………………………………….

Owen: This is not jolly!

Joren: Shut up

Owen: Jolly.

Kel: Die Joren!

Joren: As if!

Kel: Up yours!

Joren: Ow…

Owen: That was jolly.

Kel: Shut up!

Owen: Jol-

Kel: AHHHHHHHHGGG! Is that all you say?

Owen: Yep.

Kel: Oh, okay. Come study with us

………………………………………………………………………………..

Neal: Isn't Uline hot?

Kel: Um, no.

Neal: Well, you suck!

Kel: Up yours!

………………………………………………………………………………………

Wyldon: Okay there are no bandits here so this will be a perfectly boring camp.

Neal: Suuuuuuuuuuuuure

Wyldon: INSUBORDINATE! Take some of your friends out in to the woods.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Neal: Over the hills and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go!

Kel: Shut up.

Neal: As if!

Bandit: Die!

Faleron: Um, WTF?

Kel: I've got a plan. NOW SHOOT HIM!

Bandit: Ow…

Wyldon: I still don't like you.

Kel: Good for you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

Iden: We suck

Prosper(Is that his name?): Teach us how to fight!

Kel: Um, okay.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Raoul: I'm gonna walk with you to the palace for no reason.

Kel: Dats cool

Raoul: I heard you beat up all the older pages

Kel: Totally!

Raoul: Nice

Kel: later, I gotta go chill with my homies

……………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: Holy crap, my freakin maid's gone!

Neal: Who cares? Ditch her!

Kel: As if!

Neal: Fine!

Kel: Lalasa! Where are you!

Random Guy: Oh yea, that's really gonna work!

Kel: Up yours.

Kidnapper: What are you a freakin retard? Shes up there!

Kel: Uh Oh.

Lalasa: Like OMG! Your like here!

Kel: Yea whatever- Ow.. My leg! Freakin rusted stair.

Lalasa: Haha, I mean like crap!

Wyldon: Okay you don't suck as much any more.

Kel: Dude, I like didn't care in the first place.

Wyldon: Up yours!

Kel: As if!

Wyldon: Because I'm being strangely nice, you can take the exams again.

Kel: Um, cool?

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Okay, you know the routine: You read, you review, and I make some random comment about pickles. So, anyways, read my other storys, The Lioness Parody, and The Immortals Parody with a rapper brokefang and gay Ozorne. Don't get much better than that. Lol anyways, I wont be able to update until probably Friday. So review, and I'll try to do it sooner.

-king's-own-knight


	3. Squire

5 freakin reviews! In like 1 day! I freakin love you guys! Lots, and lots of pickles to you all! You have inspired me to get my lazy butt back onto word and type this. Anyway onto reviews!

thayet1231- yea, I know it's random, but, like you, so am I! I'm gonna finish this series up, and I'll try to do Trickster. I haven't read Queen yet, but I'll do it as soon as I do! Thanks for reading the other stories!

wildace keladry2005- Thanks! It's my fav too.

tortall princess- hehe.. Glad ya like it!

peter-pan-equals-luv- Oh, thanks Prosper was one of Kel's year mates right? I'm glad you like the story!

Epobbp-okay

Oh, and I don't know if any of you noticed but I used a potterpuppetpals quote in the last chapter. If you haven't seen it, do. It's sooooooo funny! It's at  I feel like whacking something, wanna come?

Neal: As if!

Kel: Up yours!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kel: Haha! I have mad skills!

Raoul: Nice.

Kel: You say that a lot.

Raoul: So? Wanna be my squire?

Kel: Um, ya like Duh!

Raoul: Shut up.

Kel: As if!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Neal: Hey Kel guess what?

Kel: Do I care?

Neal: Your hero asked me to be her squire!

Kel: The giant pickle of doom?

Neal: No the short crazy lady!

Kel: WTF? Like no fair! I wanna be a short crazy lady's squire!

Neal: To bad.

Kel: Oh yea, and I'm like Lord Raoul's squire.

Neal: Oh, okay, that's nice

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dom: Here's some food.

Kel: I don't usually take food from strangers, but what the hell?

Dom: Guess what? I'm related to Neal!

Kel: -starts edging away-

Dom: Hey, I'm only his cousin!

Kel: Are you sure your not infected.

Dom: Um, yea pretty sure.

Kel: Okay, that's good.

Raoul: Um, are you like coming?

Kel: What ever!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Graystreak: It wasn't me!

Kel: As if!

Raoul: Okay um, give me some of your people

Graystreak: up yours!

Peachblossom: You suck.

Drum: I'm awesome. Raoul is too. And Kel. And Dom. This whole freakin book is awesome! Oh and like, give us some people and junk.

Graystreak: crap! Freakin horses..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Dom: Ah! I hate these freakin bugs!

Iriseyes: Cull em.

Kel: Ew.. But then you'll have that black squishy stuff all over your hands.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Raoul: Go with Flyndan

Kel: Well that sucks!

Raoul: Yea, I know.

Flyndan: Hey!

Dom: It's true!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Centaur: Move it freak!

Kel: As if!

Centaur: Well I have a short pointy thing! So ha!

Kel: Well I have totally mad skills and a long pointy thing!

Centaur: Ow..

Kel: Ladedadeda! I'm gonna stick my unprotected hand in this moving pouch.

Griffin: As if!

Kel: Ow! What the freakin crap was that for?

Griffin: Um, I dunno.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Griffin: Ladedadeda! This is fun!

Kel: Fish skin? You freakin retard! What the crap?

Griffin: Hehehe…

Raoul: Idiot.

Kel: Up yours!

Raoul: As if!

Kel: shut up.

Raoul: Haha

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Raoul: Okay all you do, is try to spear me with this long pointy thing!

Kel: Can do!

Jump: Die!

Raoul: That's rude

Lerant: You suck!

Dom: Up yours!

Neal: Dude! Your like here!

Kel: Dude, like yea!

Cleon: Shut up and notice my newly found good manners.

Kel: Aw.. Ain't it sweet!

Cleon: Okay that's just kinda creepy.

Neal: Yea

Yuki: Yo, what up milord Wyldon.

Wyldon: freakin savages.

Yuki: Yea, whatever, where's Kel?

Wyldon: Take her! Finally she's gone!

Kel: I resent that!

………………………………………………………………………………………

Shinko: Hey remember me?

Kel: Like OMG! Like no way!

Shinko: Yes way!

Kel: Totally!

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Kel: Everybody can thank me for this totally wicked idea!

Cleon:-kisses Kel-

Kel: Dude, like what the crap?

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Ansil: You suck

Kel: Up yours!

Ansil: As if!

Kel: Just for that I shall spear you with a long pointy thing!

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Cleon: I love you.

Kel: Um, okay?

Raoul: Dude, your like jousting!

Kel: totally

Raoul: Wow, I don't like Cleon.

Kel: Yea neither do I.

Raoul: Oh good.

………………………………………………………………………..

Kel:I have totally beat you with my mad skills!

Ansil: Um, crap.

……………………………………………………………………….

Kel: Ow…

Wyldon: Haha, oh by the way, Im resigning.

Kel: Yes!

Wyldon: I resent that

……………………………………………………………………

Burchard: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Joren's dead!

Kel: That's kinda creepy…

Raoul: Hehe, I get to beat somebody up, sweet!

……………………………………………………………………..

Kel: Ladedadeda! We're going north!

Dom: Shut up.

Kel: as if!

Quasim: Up yours!

Kel: Ah touché!

……………………………………………………………………

Dom: Ow…

Raoul: Take Dom's squad, I have to go kill this really pissed giant.

Kel: Can do.

Kel: Okay, start shooting random people!

Wolset: You'll be a great commander. I can just see it now.

Kel: Yea, I know!

Wolset: Do you even know what sarcasm is?

Kel: Um, no.

…………………………………………………………………..

Chamber:fall out of this tree.

Kel: Your mean!

Chamber: Okay, you'll be a good knight, just find this guy.

Kel: Okay, cool I guess?

………………………………………………………………….

Well I hope you like it! I'll probably do Lady Knight this weekend when I have more time. Well pickles to my reviewers! You other people don't get pickles until you review. As always, flames are welcome.

-king's-own-knight


	4. Lady Knight

Okay, Im back. Review time!

Reviews…

wildace keladry2005- Thanks. Here it is…

tortall princess- Yea it took a while this time. Sry bout that!

peter-pan-equals-luv- I can completely understahnd that. Lol

crazy pineapple lady- Never fear, I shall

Mage of Dragons- well Im obviously not going to stop now.

Epobbp- bother

LadyKnightOfHollyrose- thanks! Brillant is one word I would never use to describe this fic though. 

Catri Howlman-Carthaki spy- hehe yep.

Immortal Moon- thanks! I love confetti!

Terzatrack- Of course. Chocolate rules! It makes me hyper. Hehehehehe..

neurotically yours- I know I should have. Raoul and Buri are like my favorite characters. As you can see from Drum.

Astarael of Jesslaw- hehe PICKLES! I will do Immortals as soon as Im done with the book.

12 reviews! You people are freakin awesome!

Chapter 3

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Stormwing: Wow, I'm ugly.

Kel: You got that right

Stormwing: It's a cow, it's a lump, it's a KEL!

Kel: Hey! I resent that!

Stormwing: Good for you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Raoul: Well this sucks

Kel: What

Raoul: King Maggot is king.

Kel: Do you know how retarded that sounded?

Raoul: Up yours

Kel: As if!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Alanna: Some how me and Kel are like best friends now.

Kel: You wish

Alanna: up yours

Kel: As if

Alanna: Ah touché

Kel: That's my expression!

Alanna: Well everybody uses mine!

Kel: Um, so?

Raoul: Im gonna freak everybody out here by getting pissed.

Kel: Weird

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Annoying Dude at a Random Inn aka ADAARI: Die you freakin-

Kel: Drop the kid and nobody gets hurt!

ADAARI: As if!

Kel: Up yours!

ADAARI: ow..

Kel: I have mad skills.

Tobe: freakin noble

Kel: Just for that, Im letting Neal heal you

Tobe: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Neal: I resent that!

Tobe: Good for you.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Wyldon: Command this refugee camp

Kel: You wish!

Wyldon: Up yours!

Kel: Ah touché

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kel: Hi Im Kel. I like being a stone, killing people with my totally mad skills, potatos-

Gil: You like killed that guy!

Kel: Totally!

Gil: Can I have your autograph?

Kel: Im so famous!

Fanche: Yea right. You suck!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Loey: Teach us how to fight

Kel: Woah! Like dej a vu!A/N I have no idea how you spell that and apparently, neither does my spell check)

Tobe: Okay….

Meech: hehehe

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Wyldon: So um, what up?

Kel: Well-

Tobe: HOLY FREAKIN CRAP EVERYBODY'S DEAD!

Kel: Uh oh.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Raoul: Dude! She's gone!

Wyldon: Wow, I really didn't notice that.

Raoul: This is your fault

Wyldon: Well I'm going to pretend like it's not and you would have done the same thing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Raoul: Go catch Kel.

Dom: Okay, dats cool.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kel: Blayce must die!

Blayce: Ow..

Kel: Hehehe

Owen: Happy's dead! This is so not jolly!

Neal: Shut up.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Okay there it is I hope you like it. I don't know about anybody else, but that really annoyed me when Wyldon was all like, you would have done the same thing! He would NOT have done the same thing! I hate Wyldon, that stupid a- okay calm. Review! Flames still welcome!


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